I leaned against a rock, watching the waves. I wished I had someone with me. A friend. But all I could do was wish for one. Because it seemed as though I would never have one for my whole life.
I only had my class, and they all hated me to the core. No one would say it, of course, but it was obvious. I could see it in their eyes whenever they looked at me.
I wonder what I did to make it like this. I'd never realised it before, but when we moved to our new seat at the start of the new term, I realised that I was sitting next to an empty seat. At first I stupidly thought that since there were no extra seats, I would be sitting with someone after all. I was happy, because I thought I'd have a companion.
Then I realised that the girl who sat next to me acted like I wasn't there. Like she was sitting next to an empty seat. When I asked her a question she wouldnt even reply me. The very next day she moved her table to join her clique, and I was left alone, for what seemed like more than the hundredth time.
Time and again I tried to tell myself that it was all my imagination, that I was actually liked, just that it wasnt obvious enough to me.
But I knew better. They hated me and always would. For speaking too quickly without thinking. For not doing what everyone was doing. For not conforming.
I remember the time when one of the girls was talking about something, and when I asked er what it was, she told me it was a secret that involved 24 of the people in the class, no more, no less. Our class had 25 people.
I would't decieve myself any longer. It was no use trying. I was just wasting my efforts. Best to just let go. Maybe I realised that by now, even if they suddenly started to like me, it would be no use. I just hated them too much to try to love them any longer. Maybe I was meant to be that loner in the class, the one who didn't belong anywhere in the class.
I watched the waves dance at my feet as the rain poured down my face, washing off the tears, telling me it was alright.
***
ack. my neck feels wierd. wonder why.
